...And it felt like kind of a disaster, to be honest.
I wanted to go to a little lab get together in honor of one of the graduate students defending her thesis. I thought I would just sneak in and blend in and get to be amongst people for a change, maybe introduce Omar to a few friends. I guess I should have known that you don't really "sneak" anywhere with a cute baby.
In my head:
"I don't want to steal the show...why is everyone looking at us? look at Alex!...Is Omar OK? Is he about to cry? should I check if he pooped? What if I have to feed him around THESE people? NO I don't want CHAMPAGNE! are you crazy? I barely feel competent to watch him sober! Everyone looks so nice...do I look fat? is it hot in here? why am I sweating so much? Is Omar OK? Is he about to cry? Did we dress cute enough? Why am I worried about that! Don't talk until you're sure it doesn't sound like you're going to cry! Is Omar OK?????? I need to get out of here!!!!"
In reality:
Me: Hi! Don't mind us--we're just going to hang out back here...
Everyone: Oh Hi!! Look who it is!! Oh my gosh, he is so tall! etc. etc. etc.
Me: thanks, thanks...Oh, look, they're going to make a toast...
Person: TAKE SOME CHAMPAGNE--NOW YOU CAN HAVE SOME, YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT!
Me: Oh, no thank you. I can't.
Person: OH, IS IT BECAUSE YOU'RE BREASTFEEDING? A LITTLE WOULD BE OK!
Me: Oh, I'll just have some water.
Other person: Wow, you look great!
Me: Oh, no, I mumble mumble...I think I'll take Omar outside...he seems a little overstimulated.
Other person: No, he looks fine...
Me: No...trust me...he needs to go outside for a minute...
When I got home I just held Omar and we rocked in the corner in a fetal position for a few hours...
People are overrated, right? Maybe we'll just stay here in our nest on the couch forever instead.
when a mom is born, the re-emergence is weird. (understatement!) I am all too familiar with that internal conversation. yes, please talk more about my breasts...don't breathe on him...did you wash your hands? All while trying to assimilate like your 'normal' self.. Ahhh! Good job for being brave:) At least Omar always feels at home with you there--even if he can't help being a show stealer. He is so darn cute!
ReplyDeletethanks, Tina...I felt like a total freak!!! I don't know how to think about anything but him when we're in public...it's better when I'm at my apartment. I need to get out more and get more practice, I think. Well, at least the first outing is over--I guess that one was always going to feel like kind of a disaster.
ReplyDeleteI think what really happens is that you learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Your mom meter will always be on...
ReplyDelete